It is so easy living in this culture to internalize. To internalize everything. When you take an over thinker like me and add that to the mix, it makes it almost automatic. One of the topics I find rolling around in my brain the most is what I am doing for God and how well I’m doing it. I catch myself replaying scenarios on the screen of my imagination involving talks I’ve had with people, advice I’ve given, my character in public, etc. Now don’t get me wrong, I strive to be the best me I can be all the time, but we all have our moments. I’ve noticed, however, that I have a tendency to take on these memories as potential land mines for God’s kingdom. When I give advice to someone and they take it differently than I meant it, I wonder if I’ve caused them to stumble. When people are talking spirituality and I choose not to comment, I wonder if I have missed an opportunity to share God’s love. Recently, I realized that living life in this way does absolutely NOTHING for God’s kingdom. Living life with such worry and distraction only causes me to be introspective about things I can’t control or change.

Introspection that shapes the future feeds growth, but introspection that mulls on the past stunts growth.

When I focus my time and energy worrying if my behavior is hindering God’s work, I’m missing the entire point of living for Him! God is not a human entity that I need to protect and take care of, He is a sovereign LORD who breathes stars and holds universes in His grasp! I need not concern myself with the outcome, but merely strive to live a Holy life, and commit my life to be available for Him. Living for Him shouldn’t cause me to worry about my failures (there will be failures) but instead should cause me to humbly fall at the foot of the cross and weep in the truth that my God is using an imperfect, tiny, unworthy me to do work for His kingdom! How amazing! We are all imperfect and unworthy of His love, but He still chooses to use us for His kingdom because He delights in us! God does not expect us to be perfect, so we need not beat ourselves up for our shortcomings. As long as I am truly striving to live my life for Him, He will guide my actions and convict my heart. As long as I am living for Him, I need not worry if I am doing so ‘good enough.’ I’m learning how demonic this mental poison truly is! Satan is tricky, and can even use our loving desires for others (blended with our own insecurities) as stumbling blocks. While fear hinders fruit, faith causes fear to stop dead in its tracks.

When Jesus died on the cross for us, He didn’t merely take our sins on His shoulders. When Jesus died on the cross, He reaffirmed the sovereignty of God in this world. God is so big that He created the universe! Yet God is so loving on an intimate level that He sent Jesus to carry the weight of our burdens and sins.

When Satan tries to grab a foothold on my overthinking, I will rest in the truth that there is nothing I could possibly do to screw up God’s plan. I will pick myself up out of the mental loop, and stand tall as the man God has ordained me to be and walk the walk He has laid before me.

In moments where fear and doubt creep in, I will rest in this fact:

My God is bigger.

Prologue

This is the first installment in a series of stories depicting what God is doing through the ministry of NewDay Community Church in Versailles, KY. There are true miracles happening daily, and I must share them. God is doing truly amazing things through this ministry I’m a part of, and I want to share this joy with everyone who wants to know. May these stories bring you wonder, joy, peace, hope, and life.

A Life Redeemed – Terry Edwards

It was slow moving Monday evening at Starbucks. The night appeared just like every other Monday night at work, but little did I know what was coming. A gentleman in his 50s walked in around 6 or so and came up to the counter. He asked for a small coffee and a chocolate brownie. I retrieved the items and told him his total. As he was collecting his money, I asked him how his night was going. He explained to me that it had been a rough day because he was looking for a job. He continued on, saying that he was a veteran and that his wife had died a few years before. He was looking for a job because he was tired of living on pension alone. On top of that, his car had broken down and he had no money to fix it. I looked at the counter and saw that he was counting out pennies for his snack. He was short. I covered the coffee so that he was able to enjoy it, and he went to have a seat.

I went on my business for the next hour or so, and I noticed that he was still sitting in the cafe just staring into space. When I was on a break from work a few minutes later, I felt a strong pull from the Holy Spirit to pray for him. It was as though God said “Take your break and go pray for this man.” So, I went and I sat down next to him. He looked up from the remnants of his small coffee cup with a look that captivated my heart. It was apparent in the eyes that met mine that this man had no hope or joy. He was downtrodden and felt defeated. I looked at him, smiled, and said “this might be a little weird for you, but can I pray with you?” Without hesitation, he nodded his head as tears unashamedly rolled from those same eyes. “Alright. What’s your name?” “Terry.” I don’t remember the exact words of the prayer I prayed for Terry that night, but I know I prayed for peace, comfort, provision, protection, and for God’s love to surround his heart. When the prayer was over, the eyes that were conveying hopelessness just moments before had changed; he was wide eyed like a child and obviously in some sort of shock. I will carry what he said to me following our prayer in my heart forever. He said, “Do you see these scars on my wrists? I’ve been suicidal countless times, and I’ve tried to end it countless times, but somehow God has always stopped it from happening. No matter what I do, I can’t die. When my wife died six years ago, I lost it. I lived for myself in a lifestyle that I’m not proud of, and because of that I’ve lost everything. I’ve been trying to get a job so I can get my life on track and start over, but there are few jobs for a guy like me. On top of that my car broke down. I told God earlier today that I didn’t think he was listening to me anymore, and that if he really loved me he would give me a sign that he is real. I asked him to send me someone who could take me to church.” When he finished, I’m quite certain our expressions were identical. I paused for a moment and said, “Well I work at a little church in Versailles, and everyone there will love the heck out of you. I’ll pick you up on Sunday at 9:30.” “Really?” “Of course. What followed can only be described as God literally loving the heck out of Terry through our church community.

I arrived at his apartment building that Sunday praying fervently that he would actually show up. He did, and we went to church. This went on for several weeks. As I talked with Terry more, I learned another key piece of his story. The evening we prayed at Starbucks was set to be yet another attempt at an ended life; Starbucks was set to be the last meal. God is always faithful. God is always faithful. On the fourth week, Terry Edwards gave his life to the one who created him and loves him so very much, and there was much celebrating! In a matter of four weeks, we had all seen a man who was completely and utterly downtrodden and depressed truly and publicly declare his belief in God and surrender his heart to God’s will. The next day when I saw him, it was so apparent that the old Terry had truly died, and a new Terry had been put in his place. This man was full of life, hope, joy, peace, and love! While there were still many hard situations going on in his life, He no longer allowed the struggles to define his life; Jesus defines his life.

Terry did not waste one instant sharing the love of Christ with everyone around him. He has shared many stories, most have been related to the numerous job interviews he has experienced as of late, about sharing the love and truth of Christ with hurting people just as it was shared with him. Terry Edwards went from a lost man to a bold preacher in a 5 week time period. It is truly amazing. We often joke that God may never provide him with a job, because He is reaching so many people with the love of Christ through all of these job interviews. He asserts that “as long as there’s manna” he’ll be alright.

On Easter morning, I got the humbling experience of helping baptize my dear friend Terry in our little church in Versailles, Kentucky. The baptism was not only a public declaration of who Terry was against who Terry IS, but this baptism in particular was a testament to the fierce, complete, never ending, never failing love of Christ. God had his sights on Terry from the moment he was conceived. No matter how far away Terry ran, no matter how low Terry got, or how dark his world became, NONE of it was too large for my God (Terry’s God, your God) to overcome.

The God I serve is a God who loves his Children more than they can possibly imagine.

The God I serve is a God who has amazing things in store for us all.

The God I serve is a God who redeems lives from darkness and brings them into light.

Our God is Love.

Our God is quite literally miraculous.

Our God saves.

Epitaph

I hope and pray that this short account of these events has captivated your heart and spirit. Please keep Terry in your prayers as he walks along this bold, scary, uncertain path with the Lord. God is always faithful, but sometimes life is trying. Cover this humbling man in prayer.

“And I’ll give it all to you God, trusting that you’ll make something beautiful out of me!”

As I sat listening to Bethel Church worship on Youtube this Saturday morning, this line from one of the songs clung to me. In this season of my life, God is doing miraculous things all around me, and He is truly using me to spread His love to others. How humbling that He would use me, because my imperfect love is nothing like the love He has to offer. Often in this life we can feel a pressure to perform, to accomplish. It’s engrained in our culture and work ethic to outperform others so that we can rise above and make a way for ourselves. While this might have merit on Wall Street, this is not at all how God sees us. God does not require us to perform at a certain level, and he doesn’t want us to make a way for ourselves. God wants us to offer up our lives to Him so that He may use the gifts, skills, personality, passions, and desires that He has given us in ways that only He can dream up. God already has a way for us, and that way is more fulfilling than any way we could come up with on our own. Walking down this path doesn’t occur because of anything we can attain, but rather by submitting our own selves, and our prerogatives, fully to Him. Doing life our own way is like putting a puzzle with a million pieces together without having the picture, the end result, to aim for. The puzzle maker provides the pieces and the finished picture, so we use both. Going our own way in life is taking a million pieces of ourselves that God has given us and trying to make our own creation with them. We might be able to assemble something with a few of the pieces, but we will never be able to use them all to make a creation that is beautiful, awe-inspiring, and makes sense. God has given every single one of us specific pieces and He has a magnificent picture for how those pieces will fit together and, in fact, how everyone’s pieces fit together. It’s the most important, impressive puzzle ever.

In the same way that God wants us to offer up our lives to Him, He also wants us to offer up our fears and performance anxiety. I know I fall short of this daily, as I walk in this season. “Is my work really helping people? Am I doing enough for God?” I see this happening in churches all across the U.S. as well. God is not calling us to ‘win’ so many souls, or to check off a certain number of boxes on the ‘changed-lives sheet,’ but to simply offer up ourselves for His use. If we are obedient, He will take care of the rest. If we listen to His call, He will move us where He wants us, and it will be (and already has been) the most spectacular, beautiful experience we could ever imagine.

Next time you are afraid you are not performing enough for God, rest in the knowledge that He is bigger than the earthly boundaries and trials we face, and trust that He is making something beautiful out of you.

Hey all! It has been a while since I have updated because, as usual, life gets busy! Regardless of how busy I may or may not be, I can assure you that I am living the dream right now! When I took the plunge on this crazy journey last November, I could not have ever imagined all of the amazing things God is doing in front of my very eyes! It is earth shatteringly beautiful!

This past Sunday, Easter, I was blessed by the opportunity to aide in baptisms. Two of my youth students got baptized, as well as a dear friend of mine who I’ll refer to as T. (I will be telling the story of T and I later on this week, so be on the lookout! It’s crazy good!) The father of one of my youth students ended up following after his daughter and getting baptized as well! God is moving through the ministries of our little church in ways that could never be orchestrated by human hands, and He is accomplishing feats only possible through divine intervention. The stories are numerous and lengthy, but include severed relationships becoming whole, people on suicide watch getting saved and finding joy, teens learning about forgiveness and compassion regardless of the patterns at home, etc. Its beyond humbling to witness so many honest to goodness miracles happening all because I serve a God who loves His creation with a manner of unconditionality unmatched by anything we’ve yet to come up with. I am living the life that dreams are made of! I am keeping track of these stories in a private manner and will begin to post them, pending permission of the people involved, in the coming weeks. I believe God will change lives through these stories!

Switching gears, I have a very exciting update to announce: NewDay Community Church is sending me to Africa! You read that right: Africa! My father, who does missions work with in the church I grew up in, is going over to Africa the first two weeks of April to do pastoral care for missionaries who live there full time. I am blessed to say that NewDay jumped at the idea of sending me with him! My role will be to scout out future missions opportunities for our church, as well as get a feel for how our small (in numbers) church can make a global difference. The Christian Missionary Alliance, the denomination we are part of, is extremely missions-focussed, and this is the perfect opportunity for our church to establish itself as a member of the global community. I will also use this experience as a way of bringing a piece of the world back to my children’s and youth ministries to give both perspective and drive here at home.

While my traveling expenses will be so graciously covered by the church, there are a few more expenses I will need to cover. These include: 1. a traveling visa. 2. immunizations. 3. room and board (roughly $15 per day) through the CMA. I am reaching out to my social networks to raise $1,000 so that this trip may be possible. I truly believe God will bless it and use it for His will, because that has been my reality during this season. When God orders something, He fulfills it. More importantly than money, however, is prayer. From safety concerns, to health, to the people we will be reaching, I am asking for prayer for this trip. Prayer is the primary work of God’s people, and I stand firm that through prayer, lives change. If you feel led to donate to this trip, please visit my Go Fund Me page here: gofundme.com/r9r4hk

Any prayers you can say, or dollars you can give will be truly appreciated with a grateful heart.

Thank you for your time, and be on the lookout for amazing stories of God’s redeeming love later on this week.

Love,

Jacob