It is so easy living in this culture to internalize. To internalize everything. When you take an over thinker like me and add that to the mix, it makes it almost automatic. One of the topics I find rolling around in my brain the most is what I am doing for God and how well I’m doing it. I catch myself replaying scenarios on the screen of my imagination involving talks I’ve had with people, advice I’ve given, my character in public, etc. Now don’t get me wrong, I strive to be the best me I can be all the time, but we all have our moments. I’ve noticed, however, that I have a tendency to take on these memories as potential land mines for God’s kingdom. When I give advice to someone and they take it differently than I meant it, I wonder if I’ve caused them to stumble. When people are talking spirituality and I choose not to comment, I wonder if I have missed an opportunity to share God’s love. Recently, I realized that living life in this way does absolutely NOTHING for God’s kingdom. Living life with such worry and distraction only causes me to be introspective about things I can’t control or change.

Introspection that shapes the future feeds growth, but introspection that mulls on the past stunts growth.

When I focus my time and energy worrying if my behavior is hindering God’s work, I’m missing the entire point of living for Him! God is not a human entity that I need to protect and take care of, He is a sovereign LORD who breathes stars and holds universes in His grasp! I need not concern myself with the outcome, but merely strive to live a Holy life, and commit my life to be available for Him. Living for Him shouldn’t cause me to worry about my failures (there will be failures) but instead should cause me to humbly fall at the foot of the cross and weep in the truth that my God is using an imperfect, tiny, unworthy me to do work for His kingdom! How amazing! We are all imperfect and unworthy of His love, but He still chooses to use us for His kingdom because He delights in us! God does not expect us to be perfect, so we need not beat ourselves up for our shortcomings. As long as I am truly striving to live my life for Him, He will guide my actions and convict my heart. As long as I am living for Him, I need not worry if I am doing so ‘good enough.’ I’m learning how demonic this mental poison truly is! Satan is tricky, and can even use our loving desires for others (blended with our own insecurities) as stumbling blocks. While fear hinders fruit, faith causes fear to stop dead in its tracks.

When Jesus died on the cross for us, He didn’t merely take our sins on His shoulders. When Jesus died on the cross, He reaffirmed the sovereignty of God in this world. God is so big that He created the universe! Yet God is so loving on an intimate level that He sent Jesus to carry the weight of our burdens and sins.

When Satan tries to grab a foothold on my overthinking, I will rest in the truth that there is nothing I could possibly do to screw up God’s plan. I will pick myself up out of the mental loop, and stand tall as the man God has ordained me to be and walk the walk He has laid before me.

In moments where fear and doubt creep in, I will rest in this fact:

My God is bigger.